She cupped his face resting her thumb just under his eye. He stilled in her hand. She sat up, straddling his waist. She looked down at him, giving nothing in her face but showing her anticipation in her eyes. He whispered, “Please.” The faintest smile crossed her face, it was as if the whole world fell away in that instance. He didn't give a damn about anything. Only what his big sister told him to do, there was nothing else. “Say you love me.” Her face was one of sweet expectation. The one a teacher gives her favourite pupil. “I love you.” She waited. “My Ray.” She smiled bright and full, RJ was afloat on an ocean of bliss. She took his arms in her hands. Handling the muscles, drinking in the feel of them and loving them; knowing they were just as much hers as his. She lifted his arms so his hands rested on her waist. She pulled his arms up, his hands taking her shirt with him. Up and up, over her head until it finally, mercifully lifted off. She took the shirt from his hands and. I'm constantly full of worry and confusion and use this as a defense mechanism to try and stop the truth coming out. Even after several years, gay still sounds a bit weird for me to say, or write. It's like a whole new identity that I discovered in myself one day that I have absolutely no control over. I went from not being attracted to anybody, to wondering why I wasn't attracted to one of the many girls surrounding me every day at school to, oh my god, I'm gay. To be honest, I wasn't happy with the discovery at all. Actually, devastated is a more appropriate phrase; utterly devastated. I didn't want to be gay; I still don't. But I've done my research and, I guess, I don't have no choice. I've heard of some weird therapy that can apparently fix guys to becoming straight, but it sounds too good to be true, or bollocks is probably a better way of summarizing it. I am still a virgin and have never even been kissed. I've been attracted to a few guys. The attraction does feel normal..
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