. I glanced across now through heavy eyelids at Abi sitting beside me in the back of the car. Her eyes were closed, her head to one side - she looked as though she'd finally fallen asleep. I could just make out the shape of her small boobs nestling beneath her T-shirt - how cute she looked. I felt a tremor of arousal again but suppressed it - I really wasn't awake enough to fully appreciate it just now. There had been an occasion, just a few months before, which I suddenly remembered quite vividly. We'd been driving home very late at night on a long journey, our parents in the front, myself and Abi in the back as we were now. She'd been wearing an open neck shirt then and had slumped in her seat so that, in the glare of passing street lights, I'd just caught brief glimpses of her tiny budding boobs. Maybe I was bored, maybe I'd got myself aroused from other memories as well - whatever the reason, I ended up gently teasing myself until I was just aching to come. Mum and Abi had both. She was dead, and I didn’t feel anything. There was no catharsis, nor release, nor even a settling of peace. There was just emptiness. It was then that I realized how much of me was actually her. The sum of my soul that belonged to Leveria Tiadoa was filled with my hatred, self-loathing, insecurities and doubts, and that sum totaled more than any other; even more than Elena. Even more than Alkandi. I hadn’t been healed of all the anguish Leveria had dealt me; it had just been carved from me like a tumor crudely cut out, leaving me lesser than I was. The silence blared in my ears like a warning, and my heartbeats pounded like the ticking of a clock. “You with me, Alkandi?” I whispered. Silence answered. “Did you do that, or did I?” Again, nothing. “I guess the real question is, what would Yavara do?” Only the wind from the open window sounded in the room. I smiled to myself. “No answer, huh? I guess I get to decide then. Any objection?” Nothing. “At least I asked.” I leaned forward,.
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