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I knew I could only trust myself so far, and having her near me was a definite temptation.Burial arrangements were made and we left, driving the eleven miles to the house quietly. She slumped on the couch, defeated and alone. I made coffee and got her a soft drink.Everyone has a different grieving process, and for those of you who haven't been through it, it is a process, not an event. I also knew that having her talk it out and tell someone what had happened would help her begin the long and often painful journey towards acceptance and recovery.I held her shoulder and said, "Tell me what you remember."In fits and starts with a lot of tears, she let it out."Gram saw it was dark and called me inside. Then the lights went out and we could hear a loud whooshing noise, like the wind was picking up something awful. The house rocked a little bit, and Gram made me get into the back closet and told me she'd be right back."Covering her ears and lowering her head, she continued, "I kept. As I looked through the book, I realized I had no idea what mommy had lookedlike as a young girl or woman. Had she just restored her youth, or had shegiven herself an idealized body?It soon became clear that the latter was the case. The girl identified inthese ancient pictures as my mommy, was, to put it charitably, ugly. She hadbeen born with a cleft palate and crossed eyes, and even though surgery hadcorrected those defects, she was still nobody's idea of a beauty.Having lived through four years of grade school a second time, I had seenwith sharp clarity how cruel children can be to those who are different. Iimagined the living hell her life must have been. No wonder she wanted toexperience the life of a childhood beauty through me. I felt a closeness toher I hadn't known before.Oh, if only I had realized the true depth of her needs. But I didn't have towait long to learn.I never said anything to her about my discovery; I felt it would bereopening painful wounds that obviously still.
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