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But with the deep-seated abandonment issues from her childhood, Tara increasingly felt unloved and unattractive. She had actually begun writing erotica as a means of living out her fantasies of affairs with younger men. In her writing, she could once again become the confident, sexy woman that she had been before her marriage deteriorated. She could do and feel all the things she fantasized about…without risking the security that she had craved all her life and found in her rock. Even though she recognised that while her divorce from her first husband had been best for everyone, there was also an emotional price that her children had paid. From her own childhood, she viscerally understood that damage and was determined that Ella would not pay that price too. So what if the sex had become more like once or twice a month? Sex was not everything. They had a decent life, better than many. But still there were moments when Tara just wanted to throw caution to wind, to feel that. I watched her rub that pussy on everything and anything hard from the ladder rail in the pool to the edge of a counter top in the kitchen and even the hip bone, leg or what ever body part she could wrap her legs around of mostly older men. I swear she would go through 4 – 5 pairs of panties a day. It didn't matter much to her what others thought about her, which at that age, carrying a “I don't give a shit attitude” is a turn on. She has had experiences from the kind of men, hanging around the pool or parking lot of a run down apartment complex avoiding the law and taking advantage of anyone weak. Pat told me about his step dad, molesting Marnie starting when she was about 3 years old until she was 6. He was very affectionate with Marnie, always holding her in his lap, playing “ ride the little pony” or reading bed time stories in her every night. Sometimes he would stay in her room with the door locked until the next morning, saying he just fell asleep if he was questioned by.
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