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Slowly sleep retreated and I saw who was lying next to me. Biene, in anightgown not much different from my own. She was asleep.I remembered. Biene didn't want to sleep alone in the guest room in astrange house. Mom had thought about it, then took me aside and said,"She's allowed to sleep with you under one condition: You put on yourpadded shorts under your nightgown, and under absolutely no circumstancestake them off again. And you keep your bra on. Is that clear?"I swore I'd do everything exactly like she said.And so my girlfriend and I slept in one bed. I had really imagined thathappening differently. She in her sweet nightgown, that was OK. But Ilooked practically identical. Including the breasts and the curves at myhips. That wasn't OK. Was it?Mom certainly just wanted to ensure that my penis was safely incaptivity; I was supposed to look like a girl to make it clear that heretwo girls were sleeping together. And not even a hint that it wasanything else.She needn't have worried.. I could hear people talking on cellphones, some calling the police, some calling news stations. But I alsoheard the sobbing of the mother to the child John still held. I wassobbing too, not really understanding how my husband could resort to suchheinous actions when he was so loving to me and to the children he hadbeen healing.Then I remembered the words that the police lieutenant had told me thosemonths before: "I would try to stay away from this man or get away fromhim as quickly as possible. He has a family history of murderers and itcould very easily run to him if you aren't careful. I don't want to seeyou hurt. Please take my advice and keep away from him." Those words cameso prophetically true. John had hurt or killed a little girl. How could Ihave ever loved a man who had such a beast residing inside him, waitingto get out?I sobbed out my anguish over the lost love I had in me. My love hadkilled a child, one he had sworn to protect with his life. Suddenly, Istopped crying and.
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