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If this was some sort of elaborate tease, it was acruel one for sure.“That’s true enough. Most men are. Tell me, how longhas it been since you felt attractive?”Well. That certainly caught me by surprise. To behonest, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt attractive. Notphysically anyway. Growing up I had some realconflicting needs – – the need for attention, yetwanting to blend in to the background. I wanted peopleto be close to, but I wouldn’t let them in. That’sprobably why my marriage failed – – my wife could neverget inside of my head because I wouldn’t let her. Somesort of trust thing. Well, anyway, I had to come upwith some sort of answer…“A while.” Wow, another pithy comment.“I thought so. Did you know that when you were mysister’s teacher in college that she had the hots foryou something fierce?”“No way!” I remember my ex-wife warning me about allthe coeds who would. Before I could respond, she pressed a finger to my lips. “Did you know you talk in your sleep?” she asked.I shook my head. “What did I say?”“You were crying about something. I thought you were talking about dying at first, but then you said something about not being able to have sex ever again.”I started to stammer something, but she cut me off. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just want you to know that there is another way for you.”“What do you mean?”“Just call me after it’s over. There’s a whole other world out there for you. I know from experience.”I finished dressing in a hurry and left her without another word.* * *It was worse than any nightmare. I remember waking up in the recovery room in a paper gown with a catheter draining my scrotum, a dull ache from where my balls used to be. When I was able to sit up and pull back the covers, I saw an empty sac and two bandages along my “bikini line.” As Dr. Griffin explained it to me before I went under, the surgeon made two 4.
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