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‘Yes, living in New Canaan, teaching, maintaining a blog. Or whatever they were calling them before the term ‘blog’ became popular. Taking frequent hikes in the woods…’ ‘You were in a relationship during that time?’ ‘Yes. It was certainly the most stable I’ve ever been. Living in one place, teaching at one place, in a relationship with the same woman for eight years straight.’ ‘Were you guys monogamous? How would you describe that relationship?’ Zerzinski exhaled deeply before responding. He took a thoughtful sip of his cappuccino. ‘It was monogamy in practice, most of the time. But an ostensibly open relationship.’ He stopped talking for a good 30 seconds or so. He looked lost in thought. ‘Can you tell me more about your life at that time?’ I prodded. Finally he responded. ‘Honestly, it’s hard to remember very clearly. It all seems so long ago. I’ve read – and my own life experience has confirmed this – that memory is state-specific. You remember best what happened when. After “resting,” I took my condom off, laid in the Vitruvian Man position, and let Pam tickle me again to satisfy her sadism, eventually busting in her mouth. She swallowed because I told her it was “unsexy” for girls to not swallow (which is true). I left shortly after, leaving Pam to ponder the disappointment my Sex Peasant status. Maybe if she douched beforehand, I could have given it to her good. I think girls should meet once a month to inspect each other—make sure it doesn’t smell down there, shave off that patch of hair on their ass, etc. Then I could have been a real Sex God. Instead, all I have is a stinky excuse for going soft. Epilogue A month later, while drunk at Woody’s again, I ran into Pam. We said a few words and introduced each other to our friends, and then she took off. After turning in another 0-fer, I texted Pam. She’d apparently taken a liking to my buddy Punchline and stealthily offered us a threesome at her place. Punchline took off, and when I told her it.
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