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And I thought I had "conflicts."On Saturday morning my mother wakes me up to get ready for my Big Date."Mom, my date won't be here until 7:00 PM tonight. Can't you just slowdown and relax a little?" Honey, we need to cover a lot of ground today, so I want an earlystart. And by the way, Alan's mom called and she wants to have lunchwith me! Isn't that great. We never have done lunch alone before.Say, why don't you come along? I am sure she will be surprised to seehow you have change. And besides, I do like to show you off, you know."As my mother runs my bath water she hands me my razor she tells me toshave all my private parts real close, as you never know!Never know, what?"Beth honey. Now we need to talk about your date tonight." What is there to talk about" I said. "I know what a date is, mom." Well honey, you haven't dated a "guy" before and he will want or expectcertain things." Beth, he may try to kiss you or touch your breasts or even put his handup under your dress!" And,. Anyway, the party gets going. And everybody's getting a bit drunk and stupid. The music is blasting but nobody is dancing. People are everywhere. Cracked plastic cups and empty beer cans litter every surface. Some people are doing shots. One girl is downing a bottle of wine. Some intrepid folks are trying to make pizza in the microwave. The beautiful girl we've all been in love with for years has brought her new guy and we're all kinda looking at him like "you lucky fuck". One guy is sitting on the couch eating his gf's face, while his hand rummages around inside her top. A fat guy is watching intently. It's all fairly normal stuff. Except, for some bizarre reason, I'm the only smoker there. Everyone else has either stopped or not started yet. So I keep finding myself alone, out in the tiny back yard, smoking a cigarette and looking at the stars. Until, that is, my mate's little sister turns up, half drunk from a previous party, desperate for a cigarette. Finally, another smoker!We.
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