My city is pretty small so it’s only 5 minutes or so until the buildings shrink and I can turn on to back streets lined with trees, houses on big plots set back from the road. The air is fairly cool right now, but there is a promise of heat in the clear skies and bright sunshine. At this time of year the city often sees the high 80s plus the humidity, so I’m glad to be out before the temperature rises too much. My office has AC but my apartment not so much. I’m also hoping a run will clear my head, but as I turn into yet another long, wide street I start to fantasise again. I imagine offering a lift to Sophie as she’s walking to school, then having the whole day with her before letting her out to walk home again. I could taunt her and make her cry; I love seeing makeup smudged by tears. I could make her do a striptease. I could tut at her feeble attempts at shaving and wax her completely bald while she screams and cries. I could tie her hands together and hang her from the ceiling. “I’ve already had 5 satisfied customers this morning, and it’s only 11:30am”. “Good good” the man replies. “Well, go and wash yer hands then - I only want a ham sandwich”.Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The first hillbilly said “My wife is so dumb, yesterday she dragged home a brand new washer and dryer, and we ain’t even got electricity!” The second hillbilly said “My wife is stupider than yers, yesterday she brings home a new dishwasher, and we ain’t even got runnin’ water!” The third hillbilly said “My wife is even stupider! Yesterday I was in the kitchen and I saw her purse on the table. Everything was spilled out of it and there was a bunch of rubbers layin’ there ... and she ain’t even got a dick!”At a wedding party recently someone yelled “All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living”. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.I heard a story about a guy who got a call from his doctor the day after a visit. From what.
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