The door. They were back for me and we went down to the car, to a big book store in Shinjuku. There was a red carpet and a line of mostly women standing behind a rope. I was escorted to the back and greeted by about a hundred people, offered a drink, shown to a cushy chair in front of a cluster of about 30 chairs. The chairs filled quickly, at least two dozen of them were Japanese women, all looking at me with absolute adoration. I would have crawled through broken glass just to meet most of them. Mayako and the store owner were saying things I didn't understand in Japanese. Then they were clapping politely and looking at me with anticipation. Mayako repeated herself this time in English. "Now our honored guest will say a few words. Please no questions and you know he has wishes that no one asks him for an autograph. Please respect our guest's wishes." They all clapped again. "Go ahead," Mayako said, "I will translate." The room was absolutely silent and everyone was. Rumpled clothing, the kind that one bought in the attempt to feign wealth, in cut that nearly draped beautifully, save for the cheap cloth and subtle imperfection, clung in silent witness to the sleepless night. The nearly exquisite exterior that covered up the slowly decaying innards, cloyingly sweet perfume that nearly covered the reek of moldering life and hope, she was rotting from the inside out.She might have been different, perhaps the softly rounded mother with a slightly frazzled air of disarray to hair, clothing, life. Or the crisp sharp business woman, with the staccato click of unforgiving heels beneath prim suit as she wandered down corporate marbled floors. Who is to blame really when you find yourself lost in the middle of your own life, years of aimless wandering, the loathing to commit to even the smallest decision leaving you buffeted by the most mundane choices of the day. So she drifted, from man to man, from job to job, in a direction less flutter that held no.
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