I suspected that she was only now becoming aware of the momentous decision she had made. She was leaving all she knew at Blanchards, and casting her lot in with a man who did not love her with the same passion as she loved him. Matilde also knew it was more than likely that when Caroline Ashford returned to England I would rekindle my relationship with her. Indeed, I believe it was this factor that initiated what turned out to be a very testing and thorough examination of both of our characters that night."When do you think that Caroline will arrive back in England?"Matilde posed the question in a sulky tone of voice, which was quite contrary to her usual light and pleasant way of speaking. She was lazing on the bed, leaning on one elbow, clothed in a short, skimpy, chemise that I had not seen her wearing before. The dark triangle of her pubic hair could be clearly discerned through the flimsy material; her stiffened nipples showed clearly against the bodice, which was so low cut. "He's completely withdrawn. He goes to class, and he studies, and that's it--and keeping up with his schoolwork is almost on autopilot for him. Outside of that, he just sits in the bed. He won't touch me, he won't let me touch him. His roommate moved out so that I could be with him and we sleep in separate beds. He won't skate. He shows no emotion about anything. I take messages for him, support from our skating friends, people that want to help--and he ignores them. I tell him I love him and I get nothing." OK, first of all, Sophia, I have to ask you. Have you had any of your panic attacks?"She laughed humorlessly. "Every single fucking day. Sometimes it takes all my strength of will to keep from running out of that room forever. I feel like my life is on hold. I know he's been through hell. That's why I stay. I just don't know how much longer I can stand to look into the eyes of the shell of a man I used to love and still keep coming back for more." You've tried to get him to see.
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