She was made to carry the bowl all over town in her hands except to eat, or suck, or fuck. No missing the symbolism of that. ?When she got a john, the guys would just turn the collar around and hang the dish down her back as she got on her knees to give head. Or, if the money was good enough, they would make her stretch out on the sidewalk or ally and put the bowl under her head to let the johns fuck her right there. ?They would make her kneel right on the city sidewalk and stick her head in the bowl. She did look hungry all the time, and I’d see them drop in some food; looked like dog food really, and she would eat it with her face in the bowl on her hands and knees. Sometimes they would put water in the bowl and she would lap it up just as she did with the food. ?If she gave the slightest amount of resistance, one of the two guys would stick his electric probe into her naked ass. I could here it click on from where I was standing and, then she would jerk up and comply to their. ’ The words are dragged out of me. ‘Guess not,’ he agrees. ‘God damnit, Ben,’ I punch the air with my words and stomp away, leaving my coffee there, leaving Amy there. And I walk. I walk a long time. My knees aren’t very happy with me, and then my feet are even less happy. The only thing I can think about is that I have no idea how to live my life without Ben. It starts to rain. And here I forgot my umbrella. The streets puddle with light as the sun sets. I feel the rain flow between my fingers as I walk. I can’t remember being this drenched before. It’s when I get to a corner store and see the flowers there, the tulips that I realize I’ve been crying. My throat hurts so bad with trying to hold it in that I can’t swallow. I reach for my phone and text him because I don’t know what else to do. All I say is where I am. I wait and make myself stay in the rain even though there’s an awning a few feet away, because I don’t want to feel better. I probably don’t deserve to feel better. I.
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