He said, "We better get back downstairs." The topic of discussion as we descended was my uncharacteristic behavior, but we all shut up as we went back outside.Mary was still listening to Jenny, but when the boys all sat down on the porch furniture, the girls joined us. Everyone else began shooting the breeze about the things kids that age talk about. Mike was saying how much he would love to have a motorcycle when I turned my attention inward. You surprised me, I said to Ursus.How's that? As soon as he asked, he actually started to get the answer, but I thought it out word for word anyway. It seemed to help me keep my thoughts straight.You being a thousand-year-old-plus man and not drinking alcohol.Well, the water was good where I grew up, so I didn't have to drink.The answer confused me for a second, but the explanation immediately started coming to mind. Ursus continued: In some places, the water is contaminated with germs or evil spirits, but alcohol helps kill or drive them off,. Eventually I would do this even if the parents were home. I could hear them walking and thought could pull my shorts leg down really fast if they came outside. From there I moved on to jerking it in public. It was the next natural step in some ways. It started once when I was waiting in the car at the super market and the song came on the radio. I got hard really fast. I looked around the car really quickly to make sure no one was standing right outside, unzipped my pants. I pulled myself completely out and started jerking it right there. I was so scared and thrilled at the same time. I was doing it in public and it felt so good. It only took a couple minutes because of the fear of getting caught. I finished and looked up to see my parents walking out of the store at that moment. I was a 12 year old monster, out of control and insane. My risks were large, my shame was huge and I couldnt stop. I hated myself for this. I really thought I had some kind of sick problem because I couldnt.
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