The decision makes itself. Although the brain may turnover the possibilities and come down on one side rather than the other, itcan do so without the false idea that someone inside is directing it."The saylanan has poisoned her mother."All our hopes and desires are based on an inner self who must be kepthappy. But if there is no self, what can be gained by wishing for things onbehalf of someone who does not exist? They do not matter. There is no onefor them to matter to."The saylanan has poisoned her mother.She knew.When she placed the polythene bag in her pocket, intending to use the metalegg inside to hold against Ruth's cheek until she screamed out aconfession, she knew.The rings, the nail varnish and the lip gloss had seduced her intoforgetfulness.They couldn't now.The saylanan has poisoned her mother.Sylvia starts coughing and spluttering, excuses herself and runs to theback of the hall. She takes a few moments pretending to recover, theninches towards the right-hand corner.. We might care to join him and other members of the team afterwards for a drink? Nellie agreed on our behalf before we could even think about it. As I recall Donna and I were later indulging in a little bit of mutual exploration when I said, ‘You fancied him, didn’t you?’ Donna’s finger did a little ‘come hither’ motion somewhere deep inside me and I clung to her as the wave of abandonment flowed through me. Sometimes, just sometimes, she can tip me over the edge in seconds when she gets that just right. As I calmed, my chin resting on her shoulder, Donna asked, ‘You jealous, College?’ ‘You can fancy anyone you like but please, let me know if you’re going to do anything about it?’ She gently eased me back and stroked my face. ‘Soppy tart. Oh, he’s handsome enough but I thought by now you’d have realised that I am first, interested sexually only in one half of the earth’s population and second, that once the L word creeps into our relationship there is a promise between us that cannot.
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