I've developed a checklist for each of the men I take to bed. A strict set of standards that have become sacred and imperative in order to maintain my self-imposed "lessons." Each partner must have the physical power to bring about the most pain, and have enough tolerance and virility to maintain long periods of terrifying foreplay before finally sating their own urges.I am not sure how or when I became a slave to sexual pain, but it's now more a drug for me than anything else. It brings about a high, as well as serving a much greater purpose to me. Each slash of the whip on my skin or jolt of pain across my cheek have become almost...euphoric. I feel closer to reality than I ever have, the anguish providing a sense of stability - something real to cling to that keeps me grounded. With only the physical and nothing emotional.I've encountered more freedom than I have ever known with the torment and yet, I am chained to it like a prisoner with a weight around its foot. I am a thrall to. What I saw in Matrix's mind was unbelievable. I saw darkness overtakinglight at an astronomical rate... and then I saw the two figures ahead ofme.One was Rachel... at least I assumed it was. She appeared so weakened bythe struggle that she could not even stand or look up at me. All shecould seem to do was cry.The other came after me the second he saw me. This had to be Anthony.He screamed at me, then yelled, "Why? Why is this body this way??!! I'mnot a FUCKING girl!!! Why did you have to show up? Why can't you justdie? Why can't I kill you??" What...? What is your problem? Do you even have a clue what ishappening outside?"He swung at me. "I don't care!!! I'm not going to sit back and end upgoing soft like some bitch! I'm going to finish you off here and now,then I'm going to reclaim my body and my heritage!!! None of this softyangel crap... I'm a fucking demon and I'm proud of it!" I don't have a choice then. You've gotta be stopped." I soon realizedthat it would be easier said than.
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