Didn’t she do that for you? Why didn’t you stop it?” I asked.“Well, the thing is ... In the heat of the moment it is so hard to say no. A part of you ... I mean, I can’t deny that I liked some of the things she did, ok? But that still doesn’t mean I wanted her to just ... She said it was all or nothing.”“Honestly, you really think she’s that bad?”“Ok, want specifics?” she asked. “She slapped me, a lot. At first it was just when I did something she didn’t like, or when I disobeyed her, but it got worse and worse. She started doing it when I couldn’t work out what she wanted fast enough, like I was supposed to read her mind, or something. In the end it felt like she was just doing it to amuse herself. She’d get bored and start slapping me. At that point she drove me to tears every time we met. It was awful.”“Didn’t you say anything?” I asked.“I ... kind of did, but she just said I was being a big baby, and ... other names.” She blushed. “She also did other things. Somehow she knew what. The first thing that came to her shaken mind was the question: Is it this, to be a masochist? She had already asked herself what she was thinking about sadism and masochism, and back then she had concluded that, given her response when she banged her toes against the corner of her bed, she just couldn't be a masochist. But what was it then? What was making her so thrilled and so pleased to feel this pain, making her able to reach an orgasm just with the memory of the pain, if it wasn't masochism?To look for an answer, she tried to remember two things. First, each time she had felt pain in her life, had there been any effect on her libido? Second, in her fantasies and dreams, was there any pain involved? All she could come to was the hypothesis that for masochists, pain was not enough to create pleasure, but pain and a particular situation could make the job. This conclusion didn’t bring any answer to her questions, but something else did: a second wave of five electrical shocks. She.
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