“I’ve got no idea who my father is, neither did my mother. She said she probably had sex with 30 men in the week she got pregnant. Danny was our neighbour when I was little. He’d come round and bring me dinner when my mother went off on a bender. Or he’d take me back to his house where it was safer. Nothing dodgy. He was always kind, never touched me or anything like that. He treated me nice. When I was about 15 I moved into his house and my mother almost had a party. No more problems ... She died of an overdose a few years ago now. I don’t miss her. But Danny ... Danny looked after me. He was everything a daddy should be, but I knew he wasn’t my daddy ... And when I was old enough I wanted to treat him as nicely as he treated me. On my 18th birthday I got into his bed with him and gave him a blowie ... And we’ve been together like that ever since.”Can you tell us why we’re here today?“I always told Danny that I would do anything for him. Absolutely anything. So anytime he asks me to. Al set off carefully till we was past the speedbumps and then nailed it we must have been hitting twenty nine miles an hour at times with that stupid V6 engine howling like a boiled Chihuahua we only got fifty yards before the plod gave us a tug."Oh," Pc Tony Mulholland said, "It's you." Yeah, got a new one," Al said, "Classic V6 petrol, goes like a bomb!" Boom," we all said together."Tax," he asked, "Insurance." In the post, and can't afford it," Al admits."License," Tony asks."He hasn't got a dog!" I added."Rumour has it you're straightening out queers now," Tony says."Yep, that's where we're off now," I says."Go compare," says Tony, "they does some good deals on classic insurance, or Lancaster Insurance," he says, "Anyway were keeping an eye on you all right?" Right," we agrees, and Al does a racing start like Lewis Hamilton except we got four wheels on not three and he only nearly stalls it, "Yee Ha!" Al laughs and he keeps the throttle floored and winds the old wreck up through.
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