Soon the girl and her father began their dinner. The girl said hi to me and as a tradition offered me food. I thanked her and said I had already finished my dinner. She just smiled. After their dinner, they made preparations for sleep. Her father slept on the seat where he was while the girl slept on her seat i.e. where we both sat. She left her legs towards the window and her head towards me. I was at the far end of the seat.I had no bad intentions at that time. I made more room for her. I fell asleep. I woke up after some time just casually. I found her hand lightly touching my left leg. I looked at her. I knew she was asleep. She would have moved in her sleep. This was the first time I looked at her closely. She looked about 5 ft 4 in. She might be about 25 years of age. I was 22 at that time. She had really big breasts and flat tummy (she was sleep on her back). She had wide hips. It was a pleasant sight. This was the first time I was looking at a girl upclose. Something started. It's not Him. The problem is not He. It's me. i have done something to cause me to doubt. i was thrown by the comments of the person at work, and i allowed a small seed of self-doubt to grow. As it got larger, i panicked. It is *i* who feel i am not pleasing Him, not He who feels this way. *i* feel i am not doing enough. Not pleasing enough. Not attractive enough. Not selfless enough. Not serving enough. Not deserving enough. i'm simply not enough. Period. It seems He has accepted me as i am, but i still haven't. And after a moment i realize He probably knows this. Part of me is miserable with the discovery, feeling a sense of failure because i have discovered that i feel i am a failure, and in irony i realize this is a vicious circle, which will feed on itself if left unchecked. A small part of me is a little relieved that at least now i will have an answer for Him when He asks to hear it. i have no idea how long i've been in the corner, perhaps 30 minutes. He has been quietly.
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