The kitchen was in the rear, somewhere he had never ventured. The carpets were worn and the décor was unassuming. The walls were painted in beige or maybe tan. The tables were laminated but laid out with aesthetics in mind. There was a folded napkin at each place and a rose in a vase in the middle of every table. The staff was encouraging and helpful, though he couldn’t actually identify any as being Thai. The music on the sound system was modern. The windows were frosted with the shape of a wave moving across the glass that partially obscured the Christmas decorations in the center of the plaza. Sometimes, they would eat or play chess on the tables in the center of the plaza but today the trades were too strong. They knew him here. That’s why he liked the place. He liked to develop a little sense of community. He finished his lunch and pulled out a vinyl tournament chessboard and made room for it on the table. He set out the plastic chess pieces, the chess clock, and made the first. The dramatic hormonal induced changes in neurotransmitterchemistry and synaptic pathways made these former (biological atleast) men (and vice versa) think and act so much like women that inmany a degree of heterosexuality followed.Surely that's what happened to me.Whilst he didn't force me to fall in love with Kevin he made me awoman in every way possible. In thoughts, behaviour and even desire.Far more effectively than ingested hormones and surgery would have.And he did meddle.He changed my personality from aggressive, confident and aloof todocile, insecure and suggestible.So he lead me down an unavoidable path really.I knew what I was doing with all my theories though.I was trying to absolve myself.Enough Alex Turner remained that he needed to assert that he hadn'tgiven up on his maleness, and his macho hetero sexuality. He'd had nochoice.It was true. I did feel guilt with regard to what I'd become and thatI'd become it so readily.Even after all this time.I think especially because.
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