Problems emerge when Frank’s pleasure in controlling Ernesto strays outside of sexual settings – demanding that he go to a certain movie or eat a specific food. Then Ernesto feels manipulated and rebellious. Obversely, sometimes Frank feels vulnerable and wants some nurturing that his boy hasn’t developed the capacity to offer, and Ernesto feels like a failure. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The shadow side of the boy’s reverence for the masculine ideal can manifest as a tendency to locate that masculine essence as exclusively outside of oneself and letting sexual competence (Sucking Daddy Off) substitute for healthy development in new directions, professionally or emotionally. As Pat Califia points out in the introduction to the erotic anthology Doing It for Daddy, Daddy-boy relationships are a form of mentoring. “Too many young men still have to struggle alone with the question What does it mean to love or want another man? What kind of person does that make me? What will it. Take the girls and be VERY careful how you behave. Do not give anyone cause to gossip. Do this for the next year, or two and watch how quickly you are recalled to Washington to receive your first star.”An aide met me in the General’s anteroom and handed over a sealed packet of orders. General Wilson was standing at his doorway watching, so I walked back into his office, closed the door and asked him if he would examine the packet with me, to make sure I didn’t miss anything. His smile and nod were enough to convince that he was dying to know what was in that sealed file.We found two medals, one notice of promotion, four citations for bravery and several assorted awards, shirt front salad and a very sealed envelope that instructed me to open it in the presence of General Wilson, in the file. The general whistled and said, “Whatever is in that envelope is going to be something very serious, so let’s get to it, Colonel.”I used his letter opener to slit the seal and carefully unfolded.
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