Kya Mom ne kuch keh diya ya Phir Bhai se ladai hui haiSEEMA: i dont wanna talk on this issue, just need your help to divert my mind from all thisME: Bolo aap mujhse kya chaahti ho, lets sit and talkSEEMA: Do you have a cigarette, i knew she use to fag during her college life but that too was once in a year or twoME: yes i have but if you smoke here, it would be a mess because the smell would be in house so come to my roomSEEMA: OK……… and she started removing her paayal……. may be to avoid noise and even she also not wanted to make her in-laws know that she is in my room at such a hour it was almost 2:30 am, but when she started removing her paayal…. what i noticed was beautiful feet with red color nail polish……… i really wished i could play with her feetwe both slowly went to my room and i locked the door we went to the balcony and there we sat on the bean bags and i lighted the cigarette with the thought that we will share, but seema wanted the full cigarette and asked me to light. I would have taken better care of him. He would still be alive today if the very first time when I was 21 we met at Carols Speakeasy. I was homeless then. I wanted the gay world but had to be so careful then. It was so in style to turn a closeted guy in then and nobody cared why he was that way. I needed responsible men but the 1980s everyone thought being a slut was such a good thing IT WASN'T Most of them are dead now. Men I would considder family I spent Thanksgiving with. I used to save Christmas cards and obits I would staple them together. I would put them up as if I got them that year. It was my way of keeping my sanity. Now I'm so lonesome... after several moves from different states I nolonger have them but the memories are still there. Still I wish someone wanted to build a life. Now I may have one decade or two my folks died just before 80. I'm HIV+ and the last survivor of my beloved friends.I still say a prayer at night for all I lost and my wishes for a true and.
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