Closing his eyes as he took a first step into the graveyard, he knew for sure that he was going to be struck by lightning. Feeling no condolence for lack of lightning he pressed forward towards the entrance of the cathedral, passing many gravestones whose names have long since been erased by time. At long last he reached the foot of the stairs that lead up to the giant doors. He quickly moved up the steps to stand before the huge doors. He grimaced as he inspected the doors, which he discovered, were elaborately decorated with human faces contorted in pain and agony. He slowly wrapped his hand around the handle and pulled one of the doors open. Stale and putrid air rushed past him as if the very air wished to leave this place of death and decay. With a swift glance behind him he stepped inside. Row after row of pews stretched out in front of him. While some still stood, many had quite literally crumbled into heaps of rotten wood. The floor creaked loudly as he made his way forward. I rattled through the questions and we had built up a flirty, fun rapport in no time at all. The questions were fairly mundane and as I relaxed I ad-libbed some questions, hoping that the real Shelly would have more information to write a really good piece on them. The interview was nicely wrapped up after an hour and I thanked them for their time and started to pack my things away. ‘Hang on a minute,’ Richard said, ‘What about the ‘cock’ question? Have you forgotten?’ Puzzled and blushing a little, I responded, ‘Erm… What ‘cock’ question?’ Jimmy piped up, ‘We heard a rumour that you liked to ask every band you interview, which member has the biggest dick! It’s one of the reasons why we’ve been so excited to meet you!!’ adding, ‘That and the fact we had heard that you were smoking hot!! Which you are!’ Shuffling through my notes and blushing redder at the naughtiness of the question and the compliment, I definitely couldn’t find the note that said, ‘Ask them who has the biggest.
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