" Grinning insanely, he continued his stand up act, "Did you see the cake Mom picked out for you?" Then leading me to a large sheet cake. "See, it looks like a carpet... carpet muncher, get it?"Subtlety has never been my big sis's best asset. We finally sat. I was still very worried about a faux pas from my loving nutritionist. Then it happened!As I began pouring two gallons of gravy (as lumpy as one of the Three Stooges skulls) over five pounds of lumpier mashed potatoes, she could remain silent no longer. "Do you know what that crap is doing to your body?"Her diatribe brought jeers and profanities from others across the table. Soon, clumps of spuds were being launched at us by spoon catapults. It was like "Game of Thrones, the Vegan Years." I had to get her out of there before chainsaws were deployed. She is mine to protect. This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my... Spring with. I must admit I have an intense fear of commitment, it's like a disease. But she's my girl today. I nervously stand up, unwrap myself from the blanket and hand it to him.* Fletch bring me into the kitchen where Bobby and Kevin are finishing dinner. It’s surreal, like a dream where I’m the only person naked in a room, only it’s not a dream. Kevin and Bobby both come over and hug me. ?We’re glad that you’re ok,? Kevin says. ?It really scared us when you passed out. We don’t want to hurt you,? says Bobby. I don’t know what to say. It’s too weird looking at them, so I just stare at the floor. The three boys sit down at the table. ?The lasagna is in the oven,? says Bobby. ?It should be done by now. Could you take it out and bring it over here?? I go over and open the oven. The cheese has already started to bubble and the pasta is looking a little dry. I stare at it for a moment and without really thinking I say, ?It looks like you left it in a little too long.? The words escape my mouth and feel weird. It seems so unusual to say.
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