I questioned why I was doing it, depriving myself of this tiny joy, and started to envision what quitting after 5 days or 7 days would look like. But I did not fail. I courageously pressed on.Difficult Rating: 8Day 6I started to put together the structure of this piece, converting iPhone notes to the words above. The very act of writing about NOT masturbating caused me to think A LOT about masturbating. I began to bargain with myself and consider loopholes in my experiment. Does “not masturbating” mean “not orgasming,” so am I permitted to touch myself just not to completion? Or is that somehow crueler to my body? Is it playing with fire, or does it reveal the strength of my will? Is looking at sexy photos itself a sort of masturbation? Wikipedia laid down the law:Masturbation: a definition.Masturbation is the sexual stimulation of one’s own genitals for sexual arousal or other sexual pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm.I wonder if this experiment would be easier if I wasn’t. The needle, however, remained unmoving, lodged in the fabric. She thought back angrily to her meeting last night with her guardian. It was absolutely the last straw. Her life had changed unrecognizably in the last six months. She had been so happy when her parents had been alive. That had all ended when they had both been drowned in a boating accident. Suddenly at the age of 20 she found herself, with no rights, awarded as a ward of court to her father's business partner, Josiah Carlyon-Hughes.Her guardian was ten years older than her father had been, but seemed to be of another generation altogether. Whereas her parents had brought her up to have views on everything, to be interested in politics, international affairs and social issues, and to understand the working of business, her new guardian seemed to expect her to pretend ignorance and lack of interest in anything outside the domestic world and to defer to the opinions of any male or older female. He had forbidden her from.
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