Although flashbacks of the Argie, the Bosnian Serb, and the Shifta child soldiers, had returned they didn't bother me anymore. In fact, Carlos the Argie, Stefan the Serb, and the Shiftateens, as I thought of them, were now as familiar as family as they hovered and murmured in the background of my dreams. Sometimes they came to the forefront, displaying their wounds, and casting sour looks at me, blaming me for their deaths, which of course was only right.It didn't faze me one little bit, and I gave them the squaddie's retort to all that sort of blaming and shaming. 'If you couldn't take a joke you shouldn't have joined'. What was worrying — terrifying more like — was that the shapeless, formless wraith, conjured up during the Pikani tribe Sweat Lodge Ritual I had participated in when at BATUS in Canada in 1987, had reappeared in my dreams. As then the sight, or rather the feeling, of dread, despair and despondency which took hold of me filled me with terror, and I would wake up. We will get through this together as a family." Yes, I need to let my mom and Uncle Bob know what is going on. They will be praying for us will want to comfort Mel as well. Yes, we will get through this with our whole family. Thank you again for being who you are to us all."The next three months were pure hell for all of us. Mel finally told us what was happening to her and why she had been acting like she had. Then the operation itself was a touch and go for five hours. I think that by the time Melody came out into the recovery room I had about six ulcers or maybe just one large one. My stomach hurt really badly. I couldn't keep anything down; I would drink a cup of coffee and then have to run to the bathroom and throw it all back up along with a bunch of bile. I almost took up smoking; well, I did bum a cigarette from one of the guys waiting for his wife to get out of surgery. After two puffs, I was coughing so much I had to go back to the restroom again and throw up some more.
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