“Well, please don’t think I chat up all my clients. In fact, you’re the first, and probably the last. Most of them are horrid little scum bags.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “It’s also unethical. I could get the sack.”“So, why me?”“I could tell you’re different. A first conviction at your age means you’re either an exceptionally clever criminal, in which case you would finally have been caught for something far more sophisticated; or you were incredibly lucky not to have been caught before, which is against the odds; or you just did something totally out of character. I’m guessing it was the last one.”So I told her my story, and she believed me. Not that it changed anything, but at least she accepted that I’m a decent, honest person who just made an error of judgement, and for some reason that mattered to me.She got off the bed and opened the drawer of her bedside cabinet. “Move over,” she said. “It’s my turn, now.”I rolled onto my back and saw that she was holding a Rampant. Do you understand?" "Yes, master," I said quickly and with a trace of awe. The frightening thing was that I _did_ understand. I understood it so clearly that it scared me. Because the captain was correct: I needed harsh discipline. I needed to be spanked. I was proud and willful and all of my bravado was nothing but words in the wind. I acted rebellious and heroic because that was the way I thought I was supposed to act. Inside I knew that it was just an act. It was nothing I believed in. In fact, I suddenly realized, I had not worn the sheet because I was shy or attempting to protect my innocence--I had worn it because I had been afraid to be myself! The real me had thrilled at the idea of walking naked from my cabin to the galley with dozens of men watching my every move, lusting after my body. So it was failure of being true to myself that I was being punished for, not disobedience. The captain was remarkably perceptive. He was also very strong. I felt the paddle lift and I.
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