I was fighting with myself internally about why I was so afraid, and yet so eager. Carl got there right on time and I ran to his car as fast as I could. “Excited to see me?” he asked. I nodded. Actually I was just in a hurry to get in the car before anyone saw me. “What have you got there?” he said, looking at the bag I had brought with me. I handed him the bag and he opened it, and looked at the high heels I had brought. “GOOD GIRL!” he said. “You can leave them on while I fuck you, just like in the movies!” He told me that he had bought some makeup for me, and that I would have to learn to apply it. He was telling me all about his day as he drove, but I was only paying attention to doing my task of rubbing his crotch. When we got to his house, he had me go into the bedroom and put on my outfit and try some makeup. I did my best, but it wasn't great. I looked like a cheap whore who had been used all night, but I did look like a girl. Then he got out a Polaroid camera and a bunch of. I cut my hairshort, raised my skirt hem higher, smoked my first cigarette, and became acock tease. Instead of slapping the boy's silly, I was teasing them silly.But it wasn't enough to satisfy me. I thought about having an affair with alesbian because I wanted to see what it was like to make love to a woman.Yes, there was one woman that turned me on and caused me to secretly droolabout being her lover. We would sit in our room with the other girls anddescribe our lurid tales of sexual adventure. Like the other girls, I braggedabout my sexual prowess, but the few affairs that I had, were rather placidaffairs where adolescent and inexperience, ruined the memory. I usually feltfrustrated and confused at the end of the evening. I would listen to Jenny'sstories and imagine that I was her lover, again resorting to my childhoodfantasy of being a man making love to a woman." Did you ever do it with her?" At our Halloween party, she came dressed as a man, with a big glued onmustache. I was.
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