I found an old history bookin a trashpile!" That's probably forbidden," she said sharply. "I hope you threw it away!" I'm not stupid. But it is kind of weird. To find out thatblacks were not always our superiors! "Lois turned to him, "Blacks are our superiors NOW! Just rememberthat!" I know, but not all whites feel that way! Why are we different?"Lois smiled, "why don't you explain it, dear?" Um, well, son, before the crash and all, your mother and I reachedan, um, understanding!" What?" asked Emily."He means I went out with black men while we were married, honey!" But so what? You do that now, mom. I mean we all do!" But, um, it wasn't really accepted by most people back then, dear!" Why not?" I can't explain it right now, dear. Just remember to do your jobs. Does everyone have a can?" They all said yes, displaying them."Good, now as usual, Jesse will accompany me on the cello, and Ithink probably by the fourth veil, you children can come out and begincircling around! Don't be. But as much as I loved those fantasies about mom and the intense orgasms that I derived from them while beating off my cock and shooting out my cum, each time, as I was coming down off my orgasm, I always had a kind of nagging, underlying feeling of shame in using my mother as the object of my sexual pleasure. In my innermost thoughts, I knew that people would find my fantasies revolting if they knew about them and I was afraid that there was something fundamentally wrong with me; that I wasn't normal, because sons were not supposed to have such feelings for their mother, and that maybe I was becoming a degenerate pervert.However the sexual urge fueled by the ecstatic pleasure I got from beating off to those fantasies was so strong and compelling that I suppressed all those nagging feelings and rationalized in my mind that because Mom loved me so much, and I loved her and, in her words I was "her man", and it was "just you and me my darling," that we were a special case, and it had to.
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