. but I'm not that either! And I couldn't. Do you have any idea how humiliated a guy can be when he finds out that he's been sexually aroused by someone he would certainly regard as being another man?The answer is: a LOT! I spared him all that. He'll never know what it was he was fondling at the bus stop that day. Not if I have any say in the matter.That's the sort of thing I cry over. The knowledge that I can tempt a man; even a straight man... I just can't have one of my own. And I want one. I want to be loved as Cassandra by a man more than anything else in the world. I just know that it cannot be. Not as long as I'm a pre-op!And then... again... my thoughts turn to my only friend... the razor and I want to cut again... because I'm so tired of trying to live without love when to love and be loved is what I was made for!!! And the razor loves me... this I know... for my scarred wrists tell me so.We concluded previously, did we not, that The Supreme Power, whether masculine or. I heard her husband say he wanted to leave so I dressed and left too. Stopped back by the park again and again was busy but just didn't feel real safe with how dark it was and not being able to see people. So home I went.Since then I have been back to the park a few times and pretty much done the same. I have even worn hose to work so I can stop at the mark on the way to or from work. The last time I was there I was on my way to leave the park after sitting there for the better part of 30 minutes and watching a guy jack off in the back of his van. I so wanted to go into the van with him but discretion got the better of me. Then a guy I didn't care for parked next to me. He had done it a couple times before so I started to leave. On the way out I saw an older guy in an SUV parked closer to the entrance. I backed into a spot close to him.No one else could really see anything except a guy parked a few spots away from us and I had already jacked off for him a few days before that so even.
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