After another moment of silence I finally croaked, "Where is she?" We're all at the hospital." I'll be right there." David," his voice came urgently and intensely. "You can come. But you should know. Ellie was killed instantly. They can't bring her back."Hearing his words confirmed it, but I already knew. It had been in his tone of voice. Nothing else was said as I dropped the phone into the cradle and ended the call. And then the weight of my world sank down onto my shoulders and I felt like I'd shrunk three inches.I don't know how long I sat there staring at the phone. But as soon as I could move I moved with a purpose. I paused only once, to wipe the tears out of my eyes. Then I grabbed my car keys and I was headed downstairs.I was halfway out the door when my mom saw me and barked, "David!"I came to a dead stop, but I didn't turn around."Where are you going? Isn't Ellie coming to pick you up tonight?" she asked."Ellie's dead." And then I walked away,Cherys was waiting for me by. We walked out of the bedroom and found Dad going into the spare roomto put away a couple of things he'd bought. "Hi, Dad. Is there morestuff to bring in from the car?" I asked."No, this is it," Dad said. "Thanks for asking." Then I'm going to go finish my homework."As I went to my bedroom, I heard Mom say: "We need to talk, Justin --"Then their bedroom door closed.I thought about what Mom had said. I was a little disappointed with hergender essentialism. Even though I was glad she finally accepted me as agirl, the fact that she initially did so because I had a period when shedidn't accept other trans women who'd transitioned the old-fashioned waystuck in my craw a little and made me feel vaguely guilty. But thinkingabout it more, I realized that she had shifted to thinking of me asa girl, not just because I had a period, but because I was *happy*about it, about being able to have babies someday, and thought thatfinally proved that I was a girl mentally. That made me feel.
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