Everyone was having a good time and I was sitting sideways talking to one of Jack's cousins when Greg, Aileen's middle idiot child, being the smart ass he always has been, decided to mix a bottle of oil and vinaigrette dressing by pounding the bottom of the bottle against the palm of his hand when he did the cap flew off and the dressing spewed out and across the table and all over me. I had oil and vinaigrette dressing in my hair, running down my face and dripping onto my blouse. I yelled at Greg and he made a hasty retreat towards the lakeshore. I turned to Jack who was laughing at me, punched him in the arm and headed to the cabin to shower and change clothes. Damn it I thought, it was going to take forever to get that crap out of my shoulder length hair, I would have to wash it at least three times and in the heat of the summer I wasn't looking forward to having my wet hair mix with the Minnesota humidity, Christ I was going to look like a curly witch!I went into the cabin and. This summer my parents are touring South America so I have the place all to myself.One of my passions is working in my garden. Since my parents are gone I almost always go out there naked and soak up the sunshine with nothing on except some sunscreen and my silver crucifix that dangles between my breasts. You know, if I wasn't so in rapture with my religion I'd probably be one of those new-age nature girls.So I'm out in the back of my home watering a row of corn when my cell phone rings. I look at the incoming phone number and I see that it is Mr. Perv calling. That's what he calls himself and I call him that too because it is fitting. He's been calling about once a week for the last year or so.I punch him in and Mr. Perv greets me with, “How's my redneck teeny daughter doing today?” I think that's so funny because (1) while I do have a southern accent I am not a redneck, (2) I'm not a teenager and (3) I'm certainly not his daughter.I know nothing about this man except that he says.
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