I clarified: "I have as much to loase here as you do, perhaps more." I have a husband," she said pointedly."I know you do. But, apparantly, you're not as married as he thinks you are."There was a long pause. "I suppose you're right," she conceded. "But I do not want to divorce Don. I'm not in love with you." Neither am I. In love with you, I mean." I know what you meant," she said.Another long pause."You can't come to my house," she said."I know. And you can't come to my apartment." My roomate also worked at the company in the Marketing department. Lawrence just wouldn't understand, and he had a huge mouth to boot."So how are we going to do this?" she asked."I don't know. I'm waiting for suggestions." It's not like I've ever done this before!" she snapped."Courtney. I wasn't saying you had. It's just that...well, you and I have both obviously been thinking about this for a long time. Do you have any ideas?"When she answered, her voice was so soft and distant, I wondered if she was. A big, mischievous smile spread across her face."I always do," she said. "My place at 8. Don't be late."Nikki kissed me on the cheek and let herself out of the car. I watched her walk up the path to her apartment. She was amazing. Slim, athletic body. Long, black hair with blonde streaks. Ultra-feminine. Everything I always wanted in a fuck buddy.Or so I thought.Nikki wasn't the only one with a secret. Here's what I wanted to tell her but could never find the guts: I like to wear women's clothes. Ever since I was a teen, I've gotten off on dressing like a slut and fucking myself with a vibrator. I'd secretly confided my fetish to other closet fags before but never to a woman. My ultimate fantasy was to come out to a chick and then let her humiliate me. But I never could work up the nerve to let go of my secret. Not to a woman. I was afraid she wouldn't understand. It was a fun problem to have. The hiding enhanced the thrill of fucking strangers I met in Internet chatrooms.I got off.
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