"I check my phone and respond to well-wishing texts from a couple of friends. The rest of the day is agonisingly tedious. I can't wait for 11:00 to come around so I can see Ashley again. I usually love doing nothing, but when I'm forced to do nothing, it seems like punishment.After dinner, I ask the duty nurse to help me with the toilet and then put my new toy in. She is embarrassed but does what I ask. I don't put my knickers back on. Back in bed, I turn my toy to low speed to keep me amused for a while. I don't feel like cumming, so I turn it off after a while.I turn on the television but there's nothing on so I turn it back off. It's 9:00, so I have to wait two hours for Ashley.Ashley ReturnsThe door opens, and in comes Ashley! "What are you doing here?" I ask."I couldn't wait to see you, so I came early. I'm out of uniform, so I'm officially a visitor." She smiles as she comes to my bedside. "How's it going?" I'm bored, but at least a friend came by and gave me a gift." Oh? Where. We cannot kill at will.Certainly it is easy to kill a man who is not expecting it and is not defending himself. Children have accomplished this feat.My personal security lay entirely in two facts: Everyone knew that I was on constant alert and minimized my exposure; and a threat to my life was very likely to be dealt with preemptively and harshly.A whispered word stood the possibility of finding someone who would find me and then the whisperer's life — and possibly his family's and friends' lives — would cease quickly.Of course the fact that other people reacted the same way and protected themselves similarly was not lost upon me.I was not under the illusion that I existed in a vacuum. Still, I was surprised how quickly word of the increase in organizational violence reached the ears of people I wished it hadn't.The visits came within hours of each other.Det. Susan Kay was the first to grace my office. It was perhaps only the second or third time she had been there. Simply put, if.
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