With heavy steps I dragged myself into the bathroom and started filling the tub. I then sat down on the floor, leaning my head against my knees, trying to sort through my confused thoughts but failing. It was just too much to take in, so I sat there, head spinning, eyes dry but body, heart and soul aching in profound sadness. Being alone was one thing, feeling lonely was another and at that point I felt lonelier than I ever had. After another bath that didn’t calm me and a salad that didn’t taste anything I went to bed, hungry for food as well as for companionship and perhaps love. – – – – – It felt like I had slept mere minutes when my alarm signaled that it was time to wake up. I slowly got ready and went to work, my steps still heavy and my soul grieving, not because of someone or something I’d lost, but because of something I’d never had. I didn’t feel my usual dedication and absorption at work that day, and thankfully I didn’t need to make any big decisions or meet too many. I followed her explanation of the codes and numbers in the diary. In the span from age 15 to 24 years, 9 years, she's been with 400 different men and had sex over 3,500 times. By her estimate, she'd performed over a hundred gang bangs."Dear, I'm telling you all this, well, because, something else special has happened."Her revelation almost made me fall off the sofa."Y-You're preg-pregnant! B-But y-you can't be. I-I was using..." Yes darling you were using condoms just like I asked you to, but the other fellows I was sexing weren't using anything." W-What! Y-You mean..." Yes darling, they had me on a meat to meat basis. I let them do it to me flesh to flesh. I wasn't ready to let you sex me that way yet. You know, without latex on." W-Why?" Well darling, I know one of the key reason why couples drift apart and divorce is that often the husband, starts to take his wife for granite and treats her only as a sex object. I didn't want that to happen to us. I wanted you to still have.
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