Not just sex although I guess that was some of it. It might have been whether we would go to a certain place for dinner or it might have been him wanting to make love when I didn’t. It was just selfishness.’ ‘And John helped?’ ‘Yeah. We just talked and he explained how I could look at things from Roger’s point of view to make the relationship better for both of us.’ ‘And it worked?’ ‘Do I seem different to you?’ ‘Yeah, you do.’ I had to admit that in the last 2 months since Cindy told me she was seeing a therapist she had changed. Even around me and our girlfriends she was easier-going, less demanding and less sarcastic than she used to be. She seemed more feminine and soft. She also seemed happier but in a kind of spacey way sometimes. ‘So there. That’s all there is to it.’ I decided to change tactics. ‘Well did he make you see Janice first?’ ‘No. Who’s Janice? John didn’t make me do anything.’ ‘He told me I had to see someone named Janice who would do a health and body-structure. However I was always small and underweight as a boy withlongish hair and so to the delight of my therapist within a short spaceof time I was able to easily pass as a convincing girl.I remember the time the therapist told me that I would start living as agirl full time and I was excited and also sick that it was all happeningso fast. She would encourage me to try girlish mannerisms and movementssuch as those with my wrists and hair. After a while it became secondnature to do them. The hormones also made me feel more compliant andlacking in energy. As time passed it became physically very difficult torevert back. I was going to be a woman whether I liked it or not and bynot shouting out that a mistake was being made I just compounded themistake.The different physical aspects of being a woman became clear even beforemy final gender change surgery. As my 18th birthday approached and mygender change surgery loomed the years of taking hormones had takentheir toll on my body. I never would.
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