As I sat there a few minutes later, I was struck by how normal andordinary this experience seemed to me somehow. Perhaps it was the wayDawn and Samantha had shifted to treating me totally as just anotherwoman, even when teasing me. There was no longer the patronizingserious discussion like mother to child, or perhaps mother to daughter,that I had become accustomed to in my first few days of work forSamantha--except in jest. Now we were more like peers of the same sex. And connecting all these joyful moments was this heady feeling of unitedaction, a movement toward our shared goal of becoming beautiful womenfor our night out with hundreds of other women. And there was thespecial touching. Mmmm!During our first dress rehearsal a couple nights before, I had alreadybecome a girl to them, and somehow I felt like one too. Yet part of mewondered at this, the weirdness of having been forcibly transformed intothis other person, this beautiful woman who was self-possessed and athome. I spoke of my resentment that they made such demands on my family and myself, but that I couldn't refuse them because I most likely was the most qualified person available. I brought him all the way up to that last jump before reaching the Zone.He took my hand as I related to him the look of betrayal in Miri's eyes when I shot her for her own good. At this point I had quietly begun crying. I finished with my fears that I had done irreparable harm to our love, at which point the quiet crying became a full-blown sob. Darius, my once CO, and recently my mortal enemy was holding me as I sobbed on his shoulder. He whispered words of comfort in my ear and stroked my hair as I let all the pain, all that fear, and all the guilt flow out of me. From that moment Darius became more like a father to me than my own dad ever had been."I miss her, Darius," I said sadly as my sobs wound down. "I miss her so much." I know you do, dear," he said gently, handing me a handkerchief. "I would have.
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