"I was crushed when he told me that my flat butt reminded him of Mark, which was why he liked to spend time with me." Rebecca still had her far-away look when Millie trumped that story with one about Colleen."When Colleen was in eleventh grade, she used to correspond with a pen pal in England. He was French, but living in London with his family. Jacques used to write passionate love letters to Colleen, and she would carry them around in her purse for months, endlessly memorizing his every word. THEN Jacques sent her photos. He turned out to be forty years old and fifty pounds overweight."It was not a pleasant night in our home that day that letter came..." she said.Colleen turned every shade of red and gamely tried to defend old Jacques. "He was sweet," she insisted. "It was just that he was old, fat, weird, and had misspelled tattoos. Other than that, and his quadruple chin, he was nice ... As long as you overlooked his pierced nipple and perpetually limp lower lip, that is."You know. ”“And how do you propose to do that? Have you not already failed to come closer to the island.”“Yes, but we have not yet exhausted our options.”“Oh? Did you plan some sort of attack?”“Perhaps. Are you prepared to allow us to approach peacefully?”“Are these not international waters?”“Uh, yes, I suppose they are.”“Then by what authority do you request anything of us?”“By the authority of the forces I have at my disposal.”“In that case, Commander, I respectfully suggest that you give it your best shot. Art assures me that the residents of his planet who would settle here are completely pacifist, but have the means to fully protect themselves.”“Perhaps that is true. Are you prepared to test our mettle?”“Yes, of course. Although you may wish to reflect a moment on the possible effects of your planned bombardment on the ships under your command. You have noticed that they haven’t been able to come closer, haven’t you? If we have some sort of shield in place might it not bounce your.
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