I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to be a dominant. I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a soul about my desires. The guilt, however great, never stopped me from fantasizing. If I was going to turn over a new leaf, and try to be open and truly honest with my potential partners, I needed to acknowledge this part of me. Let it out, and learn how to engage it.Suddenly I realized what was so. All five of them said they would be happy to help although Marcus, being the newest of the group was a bit hesitant, thinking maybe he was being pranked. But James assured him this was on the level and that he was serious about helping his wife with her fantasy, and finally Marcus agreed. At last, everything was set for the party. Donna was so excited that she could hardly concentrate that day. She had brought home an outfit that was one of James's favorites and one that always seemed to make her customers at the club happy as well–a skimpy little French maid's outfit complete with white thigh-top stockings, light gray high heels, and just for fun, a feather duster! She added a white bra and panty set just to make taking it off more fun and she was all set. The party was to take place in one of the large two-room suites at a local hotel. The suite had a large living room area and a good sized bedroom with a nice bathroom between them. Everyone was already in the hotel room when James.
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