”Mom, cool down, ” I replied, ”I don't smoke. I swear.”She leans closely and smelled my breath. Giving me the eye, she seemed satisfied. Sitting on the opposite lounger she lit up a cig of her own. She drew a long slow drag and I watched the tip glow for the few seconds she sucked it. ”Mom, ” I scolded, ”You know those things will cause cancer.”She looked at me and gave me a hopeless stare. ”Yes, I know sweety, ” she admitted, ”I've been trying to quit.” She leaned back and filled her lungs with the poison again, exhaling with a cough.”What are you doing out here anyway?” she asked.”I'm just looking at the stars,” was my dishonest reply.She noticed brother's curtain open and saw him in his room naked. ”Don't look, sweety,” she warned, ”Your little brother is baring his soul to the world.”Before I could stop myself, I turned to see. I covered my eyes with a mock, ”Oh my Gawd.”We laughed as Mom walked over and knocked on his window. I swatted at a night bug as he jerked his curtains. As my... lover. I really need you Sue. You are a part of me I have to have." Just like that? It's over with? All that anger? Gone?" I'm not positive about it all being gone yet Sue... but I am sure of one thing... I have to have you in my life. I need you. I love you. I... forgive you Susan. Can you forgive me?" You don't need my forgiveness John. What I did..." Sue... I hurt you... I hurt you bad that night. I hurt you physically, and scared you. I scared myself too. If I could hurt you like that, you must have felt that I might be capable of more... I need forgiveness too. I should have been paying you more attention, not taking you for granted. I should have worked harder at letting you know what and how I feel about you. How beautiful you are... how much I love you... everything."I was still in shock. John had turned about so much I almost didn't recognize the man I had been married to... at all. I could see he was serious about what he was saying. I just couldn't wrap my mind.
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