“Holy shit!” I said to Camel, calling his attention to his associate. “Your fuckin buddy is taking a piss on the bar!” Hurriedly slamming down his bottle, Camel said, “He does this shit. Come on, it’s time to go!” Camel rushed up behind his friend and started talking into his ear while pushing him to leave the saloon. With moderate resistance, Killer managed to put his unit away, zip up his pants, and stagger out of the bar. “What the hell are you doing, man?” Camel asked his friend once we relocated outside on the sidewalk. “You can’t be doing that shit in there. You’ll get us permanently kicked out. We won’t be able to go back!” “What’s the big deal?” Killer slurred, waving his arms around as if he were trying to fly. “I had to... go to the... bathroom.” “Yeah, man, but you can’t piss on the bar!” I informed him. “Okay... then I’ll just go... over here,” Killer said, traipsing across the street to a nearby law firm. I arrived at her house freshly shaven and go in. She tells me that she is excited about this whole endeavor and can't wait to see how I turn out. (Me, I can't believe this part.) She starts with a foundation and goes on to use more products than I can even remember their names. She tells me to not look in the mirror yet and goes to the other room. It took all of my will-power to not peek, but I didn't. She returns with a dark wig that she explains she wears when she wants to go out to a bar and not give a damn about how people treat her. (She's a red-head and finds that the wig gives her an alternate persona.) Two dangling clip-on earrings and I get to look. Upon seeing my reflection, I made the closest approximation to a squeal that my throat would allow. The noise was not planned, it's just that I was so excited that I squealed!We went into the other room to try out what clothes would fit and flatter. (This is where I need a reality check: I'm fully made up and about to try on.
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