We would talk about very mundane stuff. I actually recalled him always bringing up obvious subjects and everyone getting a bit annoyed by it.Once the envelope opened I removed its content. There was a ring in it and a letter.I took the ring to have a closer look. I had seen it before. He once showed it to me while my mother was giving him a blowjob in the kitchen. I remember he smiled at me when I entered to get some milk and asked me if everything was ok. I said yes and while I was pouring my drink he raised his hand and told me this ring was his most precious possession.Apparently he had decided I should have it after his death?I put the ring on my finger and suddenly a rush of adrenaline overwhelmed me.“Wait a minute!” I said out loud.Something wasn’t right! Actually… Something was terribly wrong.Why the hell did my mother blow him in the middle of the kitchen? More importantly, why on earth did I think it was normal for her to do that… in front of me?Now that I was thinking about. I’m just not ready. I know we’ve had our troubles, and now these troubles seem to be over, but I’m not ready. It doesn’t feel right.”“When will it feel right?” demanded Queresh.She lay in silence. Sex, after the miscarriage and loathsome depression did not appeal to her. She had escaped just barely from the torment of a personal hell, a mental journey where one travels alone, without any defense. When she emerged from that living and breathing nightmare, she freed herself of complications, even the complications of pleasure. She had been so alone in that journey. She had trouble associating with other people, even her own husband. At one point she slept for nearly fifteen hours a day. How blissful sleep becomes, not only for purposes of rest, but for purposes of avoidance. Maryam never spoke of her journey to anyone, not even her appointed psychiatrists, and yet such a journey, even after being pulled out of it, consumed her thoughts and affected her simplest behaviors.She felt a.
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