He riffled through the mental filing cards again and again, mentally tossed them in the air, and resorted them. Now, though, every card had Michelle’s picture on it. ‘Let’s talk about being 50 together. Denver – June 27 – Oxford Hotel Cruise Room – 18h00.’ He tried to penetrate the thinking in her cryptic message, to no avail. Trying not to rush, he took the elegant old iron staircase instead of the elevator. Still, he found himself beating the changing seconds on his digital watch as he walked into the Cruise Room. Having never been in the place before, he was disoriented for a moment by the decor of the room. Although the hotel was vintage 1890’s, this room was pure 1930’s Art Deco. Indirect lighting gave an ocean liner feel to the art work and to the scalloped, sweeping lines of the room. He looked around in the unusual lighting, and then spotted Michelle in a booth by herself. He also at that moment registered a man sitting at the bar by himself, too close to her. She saw him and. Unfortunately she couldn’t give herself. Having suffered some unspeakable emotional trauma as a child, she could never entirely love anyone. I moved out west where I hoped to forget her. But I never did I forget Cynthia and her gentle ‘cookie kisses’. I’m almost fifty now, Oh, I’ve been married, for 20 years. To a bitch that never really gave a shit and wouldn’t even kiss me, thought it was dirty, or I was dirty. Only good thing that came from that was my two kids, or at least one of them cares. So now I live alone, in a lousy 1 bedroom apartment that’s so small I have to go outside to change my mind. No regular girl friend. It seems like the only women that pay any attention to me at all are the ones that I have to pay to do so. Last month one of my little friends that I’ve been so kind to allow to stay at my place, ‘I have no place to stay, please please please can I stay with you, you’re such a sweetheart’ Oh this little blonde cutie knew where i lived and how much I was hurting.
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