Both physically, and mentally. Ihad driven him to attempt suicide. However his thoughts, the thoughts Ifelt in my vision suggested that I was perhaps the final straw. I feltthe need to impart what I knew.I could text Clare and ask how he is, maybe see if she's willing tostart a dialogue. Primarily I guess to have her understand howoverwhelmed he is. But I doubt she would respond, and it flew directlyin the face of my plan.Maybe he'll articulate all that to them himself. But I didn't reallytrust him to. He needs their help and support. I guess his actions are agleaming beacon of that. But I'm actually worried they'll just fixate onme and my actions being the instigator of his suicidality.I'm not going to shy away from the evil I did, but to ignore the rest ofhis issues may mean at some point he'll try again. And maybe that timeno-one will be there to save him.I suppose in the wash-up, as I lie on my bed restless, I'm alsodisappointed that in discovering the path back to being Anthony. ‘I live a couple of streets over.’ ‘Sure, you just give me a call any time.’ She tells Heather her number and wonder if the girl can remember it. In fact, she knows Heather will forget it, so she writes it down on a napkin and stuffs it in Heather’s purse. ‘There, now you’ll have it.’ Heather smiles and Steph feels a little ashamed at what’s she doing. But she has waited so long to act out this little fantasy she can’t let it slip away. She only hopes that Heather will actually call her. If not, there may be no other way. By the time the shadows grow long, mostly everyone has gotten their fill of food. The grill cools on the patio and Mike kicks back on a lounge chair with a beer and talks to some of his friends. Adam sits with the men and is well on his way to being drunk, but he is definitely not alone. Darcy is feeling buzzed herself and she keeps her eye on Josh hoping for a moment alone as she can not control her urges any more. Someone has turned on music and the partygoers are.
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