“Take one more roti Raju,” saying so, she tried to serve another roti but I tried to refuse it with my hand, which accidently met with the lovely, smooth, round left boob of Neeraja Aunty! I got shocked to that sudden touch and really felt very bad and apologized. Without responding to my apology, she said, “Raju, you are a very good student and you have to get the top most rank. So you have to eat more. Listen to your Neeraja aunty and eat this”. Forcefully, I had to eat that extra roti. I think you are very tired Raju, take rest for some time. You can study latter. Come, let us talk for some time”, she called me to her bed room, saying this. With a lot of hesitation, I went to their bed room and stood there. She lay on the bed and took my hand towards her and said, “Feel this as your house you can lay on this bed”. “No problem, aunty I will sit hear”, with a shy voice, I sat on the bed.“How is that?” Suddenly Neeraja aunty asked. I could not get what she asked. “What is that. Do you masturbate?" What a question. Of course I do." What or rather whom do you think of while doing that?" Why do you want to know that? The one thing that a woman can call her own even in the most repressive cultures is her fantasies." Is father the object?" I must confess that the question rattled me. I did not know what to say. "My father was in my time," continued Amma, "and for every woman I believe the father is the first fantasy figure." It is true in my case too, "I said hesitantly."Speak boldly. There is not anything a daughter should be ashamed of. If you are like what I was before my marriage you would be doing so guiltily trying desperately to think of something else. When I was close to the climax I could never prevent thoughts of father forcing itself upon my consciousness. It must be the same with you too." She looked at me challengingly and I had to turn away in shame."This is not something you should be ashamed of. Think of him without reserve from start to finish..
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