I retreated home."Mother?" I'm trying to think."I let her be. She found me in my room half-hour later. "Have you been crying?" Yep. But it's not related to what I wanted to ask you."Mother seated herself on my desk chair. "Ask." What does love feel like?" I can't tell you, not the love I think you're asking about." I feel sad, powerful, stupid, horny-" You've taken a big chunk of love already. You'll get there." What would you do if you loved me with this kind of love?" I'd tear off my clothes and prostrate myself before you." Mom laughed, "What a question!" Silly answer noted." I looked at my feet."May I leave?" Okay." My swirling thoughts missed her clue, and my memory lost the chance to contemplate it later.Ten days passed. I was looking at colleges again when Bette's email arrived. She said she had peeked into Father's work computer to get my address.I wrote back, "There are misdemeanors, crimes, and governance in this world. Only the government can get away with illegalities. And, Im fairly sure that most of them probably never said a word to anyone about waking-up naked and dripping with cum, after a long, drunken night. But when two pregnant girls showed up at the campus-health-center on the same day (after three more had been in over the previous couple months), all having claimed to have gotten drunk at a party and woken-up knowing that theyd been raped, well . . . Im assuming that a lot of names were bandied around before I was called to the Deans office, and they really didnt have any proof against me (this all happened back in the late seventies, before there was reliable DNA testing and all that, and I was just dealing with university-security, no calls had been made to authorities off-campus), but as I (obviously) had no good alibi for the times they were asking, and seeing as how it had been over a month since Id attended a class and then there was the small matter of my dont-fucking-care attitude, it was decided that I should leave. Now, Im not.
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