’ I make it back to my car stretching out in the driver’s seat instead of revving the engine. What am I supposed to do about Leleti? She’s funny, she’s intelligent, she’s beautiful, and she’s great to be around, but that’s the extent of my admiration for her. I don’t want to lead her on. I don’t plan to. I should nevertheless inform her of my feelings—or the lack thereof. I’m just not ready to start another relationship or even to contemplating getting involved in another. For years, no matter what I did or who I was with, all roads led back to Ana. She’s out of the picture now yet even so my heart still isn’t in it. I grab my Mac book to check my schedule for the day and guffaw at the picture of Leleti’s smiling face. Her curly hair somewhat blocks her vision yet it’s a lovely photo of her. I shake my head, check my schedule, and finally leave the parking lot to head in to work. The meeting was a bore and I regret not sending Tommy’s ass out here instead of my own. At least then I. Wouldn’t have said ‘Hi’ to Josh in a million years, not until Mrs Miller put him next to me in Math class and told me to coach him. He wasn’t the brightest, my Josh.One thing led to another. Hands brushed accidentally together. Tapping my knee when he wanted help, then my thigh. A game of footsie in the school canteen, his socks sliding up my bare legs. And once, pushed together in a crowded corridor, he grasped me by the waist as I was flung backwards against him, and he held me tight for a few seconds with my arm between his legs, and I felt it for the first time.When the time came, I was quivering like a birch leaf in the summer breeze, but he took my hand and led me and I had no power to resist him in my body or in my soul.IISo we lie on the grass beside the chuckling brook, listening for the faint sound of voices. The intense summer heat melts my inhibitions. I push off my shoes and socks and lie flat, feel the long grass tickling my thighs. My knee-length plaid skirt is.
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