Nestling between my heavily perfumed and bountiful breasts, nestle five heavy gold chain necklaces. Each wrist is further encumbered by a loudly jangling assortment of equally cheap looking bracelets, and as many as thirteen rings adorn my fingers and thumbs. My nails, painted the same hideously bright and vivid pink as my toes, curl an appalling full inch and a half beyond my fingertips.My head is worse. Firstly, it is now covered on top by a horrid mass of long platinum blond curls piled high in that classic white trash look: 'Big Hair'. My face is covered in a thick creamy coat of foundation, my cheeks a ceaseless parody of a female blush. The worst liberties have been taken with my eyes and lips. Both now sport permanent makeup, courtesy of a lengthy visit to Master's friends tattoo parlor. Now thick black lines line each eye, finishing up with an exaggerated Egyptian tick. My lips are equally horrendously outlined in a dark red, serving to accentuate the ridiculous collagen. I was starting to get comfortable with the whole concept until ... Jon Stafford decided to make a play for Ashley. I never found a chance to warn Jon off before he escorted Ashley upstairs for a roll in the hay.I didn't get a chance to talk with Jon again until around midnight after Ashley left with a couple girlfriends. I found him in the kitchen getting himself a celebratory drink."Jon, have you gone crazy?" I asked."What, Coach?" Jon asked innocently."What do you expect to happen when Coach Burton finds out that you slept with his precious daughter?" I demanded. "How do you think your career will go, playing for a head coach who would like to hang you by your balls?" That's not going to happen, Coach," Jon said. "Troy and Ian are right. Ashley's cool to partying. She won't say anything to her father." He gave me a wink. "She's a pretty good lay too." When you're standing in front of Coach's desk trying to explain yourself," I directed, "make damn sure you tell him I counseled you.
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