We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"So the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.Tarzan & Jane are swinging through the trees one day, with Tarzan repeatedly making his jungle call.Suddenly he lets out an almighty ear-splitting shriek.He turns to Jane and says "Jane, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ... GRAB! THE! VINE!!!"-- and two that go togetherQ: Why do elephants paint their balls red?A: So they can hide in apple trees.Q: How did Tarzan die?A: Picking apples.Building PermitSome have asked what I've been doing in retirement. Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house.It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.The City Council told me; "Forget it ... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"So, I sent. Her boyfriend had been found dead in the woods, face down in a pond. He and some friends had gone into the deep woods to camp and hunt, but apparently instead he had gotten drunk and drown. Autumn had been unable to move on. Her left hand fell to the cool patch, stroking the silk. She missed him. Especially nights like this. She needed to be held, reassured, loved. Her cheeks flushed as she imagined his arms wrapped around her, holding her to the heat of his body.Her right hand fell on her lower abdomen, resting on the sheer fabric of her nightie. A burst of the October breeze trailed over her, raising goosebumps on her skin. Her nipples tightened under the material, leaving delicate lines of arousal. She shivered subtly. It had been ages since she had felt this way. Her right hand moved further along her thigh, her fingers wrapped around the seam of the nightie. She slowly raised it up, enjoying the sheer material against her skin. She trembled again. Her finger moved to the heat.
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