I have been working on this sweater, a little bit every day, my whole life. Over the years it has changed – adding on bits, losing bits – becoming larger and smaller, but always mine, the colors and patterns always familiar. At last my fingers ache and I can do no more today. I stand and pull the sweater over my head, feeling the heavy wool dragging down on my shoulders. I hold it close around my throat and step out into the wild weather. In spite of my best efforts, the sweater does not offer much comfort against the cold – the wind pierces the wide gauge of the stitches and touches my flesh with its chilly fingertips. The freezing rain soaks the wool until it drags me down heavily, and the fabric freezes stiff in the icy blasts. I am shivering with cold, but instinctively still clutching the miserable sweater against my skin. When all of a sudden I spot a seagull, high above me, riding the swirling winds expertly in the drumming rain to dart down swiftly at me from the lowering. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him – I did, and always had. Even though his fantasies had taken me by surprise. But the truth was, I couldn’t do the things he wanted. Not on my own, anyway, because, – and Jason really didn’t have any idea about this – because I had submissive feelings of my own. There was no way I could be the dominant one in our relationship. For some reason, I’d felt ashamed and embarrassed to share these feelings with Jason. I just didn’t have his courage.Not any more though. Not after the time I’d spent with Charlotte these last few days. Not after the conversations we’d had, the intimacies we’d shared. Things had changed and, with help, my confidence was growing and I was starting to make our fantasies real. It helped to have such willing partners and my only real concern was how this would affect my husband’s relationship with his boss once they returned to work.I’d been lost in thought, and missed what was said next – I think Charlotte whispered something in.
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