"Didn't think about much else," I replied."And?" Well I guess I've no choice, I'll need to be Alex for the summer orhowever long I'm here."He looked at me. "You sure?" he asked again."Well there's no way I want you to lose Melissa because of something Idid, so I guess I'll need to run with it." Ok well you need your own clothes as I said. I don't want you wearingGrace's stuff," he said reaching inside his jacket pocket he brought outhis wallet. "Here take this, the pin number's 3916," he said handing me acash line card. "Eh, thanks," I said."But don't go mad," he said as he picked up his lunch and flask andheaded for the door. "I'll see you later," he said as he walked out intothe bright morning sunshine. The toaster popped and I picked up the two bronzed slices of bread andspread a little marmalade on each. Sitting at the table I mulled over mydecision this was going to be one hell of a challenge and I could stillnot believe I was going to try and pull it off, but hey it was my. Over the weekend, I sent more photos morning and night to Daddy, and wetexted a bit. He was letting me come back to myself a little, and also towant him, and think about everything....I walked a lot, seeing all thedifferent types of people, and wondering about them, about their secretsand their desires, but most of all about him. I was falling in love, andin a different way....but I'm a guy? Maybe not..shit.....I'm a..? What amI now....does it even matter?I don't care, I'm going there with him, you only live once one life tolive, and all that, and well, it turns me on. Go away, shameful feelingsand guilt over stuff I have no control over. I'm a good person I know Iam...and It turns me on, and him too, and after all those years ofpurging and shame I met someone special who..oh FUCKK!!!!...shut up!!! Iyelled at myself...and told myself to breathe and enjoy it, stopworrying, only joy together with him so far...all the worry is in me,it's not him, it's in me....My long walks were.
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